also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My balls are so social today.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize