I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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