bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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