sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
