I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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