The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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