yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
