so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize