I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
