There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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