it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
