So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
