she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
