VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
