I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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