Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
