something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
