I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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