He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
