I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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