I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
