Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
