I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
