Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
