he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
