Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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