I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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