She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
