he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
