How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
