how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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