its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
