As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
