i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
