My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
