so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
