Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
