the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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