I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
