I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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