I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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