is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
