Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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