Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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