one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize