I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
