I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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