I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
