Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
