YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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