Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
