i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
