I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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