My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
