You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
