I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Randomize
