Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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