If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize