The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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