i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
