so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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