I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize