god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
