Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
