You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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