chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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