Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
