just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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